I was a bitch in His name

Yeah, you heard me correctly. I did something that I am ashamed of and that I told myself I'd never do. I asked Him to forgive me and I still feel terrible about it so I think the only thing left is to publicly flog myself. I am too embarrassed to tell you specifically what happened, so I'll just go ahead and tell you a little story. In my Jerry Springer voice. Well maybe not...There will be no ebonics or violence.

So there's this girl I know that I've known for like half my life and we're very good friends. She recently broke up with her boyfriend who although is a very funny, compassionate, sensitive human being likes to pretend that he's this angry, hateful, insensitive loser. All because he's really immature. Unfortunately he has a son too so that just adds to the stress that causes him to lash out in the manner that he does.

Well, ever since I met this guy we've had this really weird relationship. Usually it is him telling me how screwed up everything is, how the world sucks, how he hates everyone. He goes on and on in public blogs about how he only cares about himself and he's too strong to try and worry about anyone else and he's some kind of rock or something. He's so transparent...I mean he's an analytical psychiatrist's wet dream.

Which means I have completely lost any and all self-control talking to him. Which means you have me performing every arrogant act under the sun, stopping just short of prescribing him Prosac.

And now that I have this tool we call the Bible by my side, I've totally abused my power. I've overstepped boundaries, I have not been graceful in the least and I have outright been just plain bitchy. Oh and I told him he's going to lose his soul. Ouch.

I have come off as someone who thinks she knows it all. I have come off as a total madwoman to be perfectly honest. I have lost all possible hope in reaching this person because I completely thrown out any trust I might have gained. I tried to be a soldier and I shot myself in the foot.

So now what?